Cabin fever

So, this weekend coming up is Labor Day weekend and we are going to drive all the way to Casper to see my Foster mother who is in her 80's.
We are going to the cabin on Casper mountain.  I always picture it the I way it was 20 years ago, the lighting, the old ice box now a pots and pans storage, and the scent.  The roped supported ladders are gone and replaced with actual steps.  The National Geographic  magizine case in the back; I always try to fine the oldest one they have and look at the old ads of cars and camers. My foster brother fixed the cabin up so my foster mother could use the cabin a little easier.  But, it's not the same as I remember. It now has a phone hookup and a answering machine. I remember going there and actually being taken away from the world!  Disconnection. Now, times are different that comes with age and technology is more readily available even in the mountain tops.
I hope we go on a hike again with Todd.  He's getting up there too. 60 something , 67! He still takes care of the mountain too.  Wow, I wonder how he's doing with his health....
I miss the good old days when we were all young and can freely move around without a care in the world. Now, I wonder how I will react to the age difference of the many years ago and today.

Reminiscing

I remember Todd would be listening to his new world music in his cabin as I would visit him in the mornings.  He would fill the cabin up with scent of bacon and eggs.  We would chat of caving expeditions he and his friends and his past sister would do together.  He took pictures and maps of  specific areas he had explored  and tacked them on the low ceiling of is cabin.  It literally filled one side of the ceiling.   I wish I had stayed with the Smiths sometimes because of all the adventures they all had and experienced. I envy them all.  Janet was a cave explorer too, if I remember correctly.  They were all explorers. 

In the amount of time between then and now, what will I bring back with me this time?

YOYO life

So, this last semester didn't go as well as I was hoping.  I basically failed college.  I have decided to go back to work.  The wall I have come to hit is that I don't know how to apply with a resume that would be good enough to get the job. I am still not sure of what to put in and leave out considering I haven't worked in four years. The jobs that are posted on the online job sites are jobs I have no experience in and that can be very intimidating.
I have found one job I want to try for and it has a 10 week training and a license test after.  It is a full time job and training starts at 8 am to 4:30 Monday through Friday.  The job is from 8:00 am to 630 pm.
I was like YES! Then I realized the schedule for the kids, D has school at 7:40 am and then gets off at 3:00.  I have no car and the car we have is being used during both times I would need to get and from work.  He has to leave to work at 4:30 and the second job ends in the mornings so he doesn't get back till 7:30.  The training is all the way cross town.
I think I have to start work when the kids are out of the house.
Or, is it me, am I  thinking to much for them and not me?  I could take that job and just focus on me.  Selfish?  Maybe, but at least I will be able to find my path and start heading the right direction.  I have put myself on the line for everyone else's schedule.  What if I did take this job and it all evolved around me finally....
OK, back to reality.  I can't take that job because one, I don't have a car and I will never be able to make it to the training on time anyway and two, I don't know if the training will be to intense for me like taking a math class.  So, as much as I would love to have that job I will not apply for it based on our living conditions.  Boy, not having a car is such a burden.  So, I my new plan is to get a job (any job) and save for a car or lease one...yeah leasing may be good because one I'll have a car and two I could work on my credit at the same time considering I am not going to use my credit cards for some time now.  Yes, times are going to once again hard, no internet, no cell phone data, etc etc.  I hope that I will be able to get out of this rut I have so commonly fall into every few years.  I do ok for awhile and then I fall back down again.  I wonder if it is the location.  I often think of that. The location we live may be the reason we are always on a yo-yo.  It has gone like this since we got out of the Army.  We never left the area.  I think of the locations we could of relocated after we left and how different it all may have been if we left this area.
I think it is time to find a job in a whole new location, state even!  Again, transportation is not our strong point but I do feel there is hope just around the corner.