Liberation

My mom came to visit this month.  First at the beginning I am happy to see her and her  second husband of almost 10 years in who I adore.  I try too be the happy daughter happy to see her mother who now lived in Australia the last ten years after a divorce from my adored father.
When she moved to Australia, I was releived.   I have disposition toward her ever since she divorced my father after a two year affair and then fleed the country.  So, I guess my trust and an amount of respect for her has dwindled over the course of the ten years.
I have anxiety whenever she talks about moving back.  I was happy she moved so far away; I was free to do what I felt without her over me judging me and trying to make me her puppet.  So, for the last ten years I felt relaxed and myself, almost.
Now she is talking of moving back! I get a strong anxiety attack rush through me with even the thought of it.  My first thought is to move to the other side of the country; I pray the housing market rises so there is no chance of her moving back.  I don't want her here.  I don't know how to make it any clearer.
Once she said that she wants a "Proper" talk with me.  She said that everytime she comes here she doesnt have time to spend with me.  She doesn't see that I have made it that way on purpose.  I dont want to talk with her, I don't want to hear what she has to say, she judges and tries to control with manipulation. I will not!
I sometimes have the devious thought of a notice on her death. Would I be the only one who doesn't cry with grief? I have this weight vanish, sun shining on my face, birds chirping, leaves dancing in the breeze.
As I walk down the path of ecstasy, my life wil have just begun.
Stop trying to tame me.