Toxic

For fourteen years I've lived here, in this town and it has given me nothing but bad vibes.  Why did I live here for so long you ask? It takes a lot to get to me, Im an optimistic person, "It'll get better." I settle for anything slightly better.  Well, I have finally come to the conclusion that I am not going to "settle" any more.

I know I have plans to leave and live on my own with two in tow.  I know that yes I will struggle in the beginning just about in every aspect. IN EVERY ASPECT.  I know that is why I have settled for SO long. I would now rather stuggle and call that my own than settle with what I am dealing with now.

My goals are short term:
-find a job that pays at least 11.00 $ an hour
-clean my credit up and raise my score
-save without dipping in
-buy/lease a car

Long term goals:
-finally afford monthly budget
-move from this town
-with cleaner credit, buy a new small house
-vacation by myself
          -florida
          -San Francisco
          -Bora Bora

In the mean time, I have begun slowly, maybe slower than I should be working on leaving.  Our lease is up in end of September and I pray that time I dont cave in and keep staying, because one: he hasn't looked for a job to cover expenses, two: the kids.  I can't go year after year again going through the same "settlement" living I have lived for the past seven years.

Im not happy, that is clear.  I have to take it in my own hands, for me.

My goals I have above are tentative, but they are there.  They are my rope, hope and hand to help me see what I need, my kids need me to be.  I hope that one day I will look back and know that I made it to my goals.  It could take years, months, or even weeks. They are there, maybe for eternity

Update:
Well, it's 2016 and I am..you guessed it, still here.  What had happened was September came and I told him that I was leaving. Unfortunately, he manipulated me by saying that he was going to love out of his car.  I fell for it and said I'd sign the lease but will leave later. Five months later, I am still getting things in order. The main issue is the rent has risen so high that I can't afford it. But, I am storing and organizing my things so when I do find an affordable place, I'm  OUT!  I might have to wait until the rent is up for renewal. I am hoping to actually move in April 😊. Fingers crossed