Hard times draw the fear in but it's the move that will make the fear disappear

Today is the second day of the third week of October.  I was hoping I was going to at least have an interview for any of the jobs I have applied for by now.  Nothing.  I have a bill I have to pay for and I don't have a scent in either of my banks.  I have a pair of earrings I am trying to sell for the price they are worth. I had them partially appraised but no paperwork to go with them.  I haven't had any offers for them either.  If I had it my way, I would have sold them for at least 100 dollars.  That way, I could pay off my bill and not worry about it anymore.  I would then find a job that pays enough to support myself and the girls.  That would be about 19,800.00 dollars a year.  I could totally make that work for the three of us.

I know times are hard now but I am always optimistic of the future now matter how often it doesn't happen.  Every year I think this way, and every year it turns out the same.  I read somewhere that if it isn't your time it won't happen.  I wish it wouldn't take it's sweet time!  I have been in this boat for too long.  It's time to get my Jordan's on and make the leap.

The time I make that leap, I think that my luck will change.  So, what am I waiting for?  Probably for my fear to subside.  Fear takes over me and holds me down.  In my past I always asked others for support or more like approval.  Today, I don't have people to discuss what my plans are and if they are suitable for my future.  Having someone to help me decide what is best for me has probably hurt me more than helped me. I now rely on that hand to walk me through my difficulties.  I have to eventually learn that this is my life and I need to take charge of what needs to be done for me to make me happy.  It isn't in any other persons hands or minds what is good for me.  I have to now remind myself that what I do may be consequences but mostly will help me build my mind strength to move forward and do it alone. Not every move is going to detrimental.  Most moves will take me to the right direction that I have needed in so many years.

Fashion for Women over 40 vs Me

As I scroll through Pintrest, I find the most amazing outfits that I would love to try on.  I then remember the times I try on clothes in the changing rooms, I'm out of shape, my waist is thicker than my bust and my back has rolls and my legs are...normal.  The clothes I see online and pin them to my "I'd Love to wear this  board, I think to myself "yes, I would love to wear these very cute chic outfits but would they like being worn by me.
There is a site now that you can join by giving your age height and your favorite style and a "stylist" will look through your Pintrest page and find something to fit your liking and send it to you.  You then try it on and if you like it you buy it, if you don't you send it back. The service is either once a month to three months apart.  A credit card is required to join the service.  I think about if I join, how much of the clothes the stylist sends to me would I keep? Most of the time, I am not happy with anything I try on even with the high hopes I would find something I love to walk out of the house in and feel confident.  Lately, I have been in sweat pants and workout shirts because A) They are comfortable and B) I don't have a single nice thing to wear THAT FITS ME.  I do have nice clothes, they don't fit me anymore.
Currently, I am jobless and looking for work online is hard and without having any interview clothes, I am in loss.
Pintrest is helpful though.  I find that my sense of style needs a huge up grade.  Patterns, colors, and shape.  I tend to go toward the straight safe look.  I have now figure really, no waist, like a walking potato.  How do you dress a potato?  That has stumped me for ages.
I still have no answer but, I am hoping Pintrest does. So, I have followed pinners who are posting clothe styles for women over 40.  Some are still for the 20 year olds and so some of the pins are scrolled past. Now, some of the styles I see are very intriguing and open my mind to a new sense of dressing today.  I have bought some scarves and boots and a few other pieces but I didn't know how to use them.  With the help of Pintrest, I have a better idea how to use the accessories.  So, this next year, I am hoping that I use Pintrest to my own good!  Wish me Luck1

Thinking on a positive note from now on...wish me luck

So, tomorrow is Monday and I feel like I am kinda ready for the week.  Last week and the week before, motivation was essentially dead. I didnt look for a job, clean house or much of anything. This weekend though, I did clean the walls, the grimy doors, and the base boards! I felt like I made such progress.  I vacuumed, dusted cleaned the bathroom and finally file the stack of papers that wers accumulating on the file box.  I also cleaned the desk so this week I can get some work done (aka job searching.)
I am hopefull that there is a job out there waiting for me to succeed and make progress from my now boring and dull life.
I wrote a message to a friend about my lack of progress in the job hunting and how I may have to find work in another stae.  She asked where and my dreamy mind went to Maine and Vermont.  Dreams I know, but there could be protential in my future in making my way that direction. I then started googling houses and the morgage average in the area and viewed youtube videos on Portland, Maine.
Why do I dream of living in Maine you ask? Because it is so far away from here.  It's by the ocean and you can wear sweaters there more often.  Getting the LLBean catalog also helps. The leaves in the fall, and the blues greys and greens call out to me for the change of views.  I love the Rocky Mountains dont get me wrong, I just crave something as beautiful but away from here. Somewhere cold.

Yesterday, I was thinking of my blogging. How I have been basically writing about the same thing, complaining on my current living conditions. None of it is up lifting now that I think about it. From now on I will think on more positive out look on my soon to be future. I know it isnt going to be peachy clean and wild daisies but the mind can really over come alot in ones life no matter where they are coming from or going.
So now, I begin my journey to a more positive out look for my future.  Bad days, bring it! Im not falling for your crocodile tears. Sunny happy days are here to stay!