Miserable relationship, move along eventually

So, today he asked if I wanted to go to breakfast. Immediately I knew where this was going, No Conversation the whole time. Sure enough, there was just us eating. Nothing said. Except, when he complained about a meeting his company was going to have the friday. That was it and when he said it, I didn't on purpose show that I have a hoot. I just continued to eat. 
     Now, this is one of the main reasons I know I'm not growing being in this relationship. Full conversatiins that one, go no where, two, have no meaning, no future of focussing any of it.  This is the reason I want to start going out and meeting peop la who have something going on in their lives that is worth talking about.
     He doesn't bother talking or has any friends that he has a relationship with therefore his conversation skills stink, to say the least.  I wonder sometimes, if I had married Gilbert or Blaine how different my thoughts on relationships would be.  How happy would I be?
     If I had a profile in March for com these would be my standards:
1) would have conversation with crediblity skills
2) is creative in holes
3) is assertive NOT passive
4) lives the great outdoors
5) not cocky, show offy, or rude to others
6) makes money (has a real job)
Now, are these to much to ask for? Do these really exist? Or an I stick with what I have because all the top great ones are dyngnout or taken.
     I try not be to depressed of where so am.  I think I have to be assertive myself to get where ai want to be and who with.

Thinking Positive is key to make life better

So today is leap day and I know it's going to be a great day.  I said so last night.
I vlog about how my data are going etc and I vlogged about how I need to be aware and catch myself on being "mean" to a certain person. Because yes, the future really relies on how I treat people. So, from now on, I'm going to catch myself and think before my actions and words are put out.  I have ro be pisitive in every way.  Hopefilly when the atmosphere is better itll be easier ro notify what is in the future. 
Step one: I will always see the positive way of things everyday.
Step two: I will speak positively about everything and EVERYONE
Step three: I will start the day with at least one positive outlook of the day whether it's food, school, or activies
So, today is going to be great because it is the one day we have extra. It's going to be a positive day no matter what!

The ride

"Hold to your seats because it's going to be a bumpy ride." -Bette Davis in "All About Eve"

At Wit's End

Ok, so it's like I can't get what I have been wanting for 7 years.  Finally I get up the courage to take that one step to get it started and at the end it all falls through...almost, I am shooting before loading but that is where I feel where I am. I don't know if the BAH paper will come in on time and most importantly the Finanial aid will go through....I have never had such bad luck and bad timing in my whole life.  What is this?! I have had thoughts about what if this doesn't follow through and I became stuck still in this relationship I am hating so bad right now...I'd kill myself just to get out.  It isn't  that the relationship is abusive, or anything I just cant live like roommates anymore. There has been nothing there and I am done. Sleeping on the living room floor for 4 years is way to long to keep going like this.  Sleeping on the living room  floor with all of my belongings in the living room because I already moved out for 4 years is madness.  It has to stop.  I am trying and for some reason the walls just popped up and everything could fall through...I am at wits' end.  I WILL MAKE THIS WORK. IT WILL HAPPEN

My Future processing...please hold

Changing my major is one of the big changes I have made to improve my life.  I was going for Social Worker but the further I got along I felt more and more depressed.  Finally, I decided that I should go into business type of classes. So, decided on Communications. So far the classes  are just what I needed. I think I am going to bring up my GPA with these classes. 😃  So I am excited for my new life and the future to come.  Finally, I feel like Im going down the right path.  I know it isnt going to be easy at first but there is going to be a time where I look back at the accomplishments  I did to get there will be mine.  I am hopeful.

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them." - Albert Einstein

Bedding

Time for patience with myself

Ok, so I've watched enough classic movies over the weekend. Now, it's time to be productive. Clean apartment, buy groceries and write out new apartment application.  Yes, you read me right, I'm moving out!  It's a scary task because not because I'll be living on my own, but because  I have to break the news to my girls that...their father isn't coming.  I also have a huge fear of failing. Not being able to pay for everything, not buying a car in time of winter, and applying for the temporary assistance I'll need to get my feet on the ground in a reasonable time.  I hope I have the  patience with myself to take day by day, through the good days and the most terrible ones.  Patience is one of my weaknesses on myself. Partly, growing up I was naturally slow at things and I was always frustrated of how far behind I got doing things compared to others.  So, today I'm hard on myself on getting things done and right the first time.  What I have to learn is that I'm human I will make mistakes.  I ghostedhave to learn to stop and think things through.  Then take the necessary action.