Just ramblin'

Im sitting here thinking what grade will I get for my rhetoric analysis paper.  Analyzing other peoples writing can be daunting.  The writing of the author I chose to analyze was published in my english text book, so I had a hard time finding anything wrong with it well not necessarily wrong with it but how the writing affected me.  I thought everything the author said was dead on and made me think openlyto what the author was getting at was that food today we eat literally is man made down to the poultry,  beef and vegetables.  Everything ee think is "natural" which is now used quite loosely.  Natural should no longer be an adjective for our food, from what I learned from Jamey Lionette's writing.

Hunger..It's All Too Real in America

The wind blew hard as we sat in the car waiting for the Junior High school bell to ring.  Josephine and Maddy chit chatted about this and that in the backseat.

“So what do you like to eat for dinner?” I asked Josephine

“Spaghetti, um, I like…we went out for dinner last night.” she said unenthusiastically.

“Oh? Where did you go?”

“To Mimi’s”

“Oh, that’s right that is your mothers favorite one isn’t it”

She nodded plainly, as if in her head it wasn’t, she is just forced to go.

“When I open the fridge there isn’t anything in it at all.” She said it as if that is what she deals with every day. Like she was used to it. The thing is, it is what she has to deal with every day.  Along with 50% of the United States of America. Flashes of the film “A Place at The Table” ran through my mind, Rosie happy to get sugary candy bars for their food box.

Gnawing tiny bites like a rabbit on the baby carrot stick Maddy gave her, I watched her and wondered if she was milking the carrot because she didn’t have anything to eat in the house and she was savoring every tiny nibble of it so she could save the memory when she gets home.

“Look! I made a carrot toothbrush.”  Holding the core of the baby carrot sticks one on top of the other steadily, smiling, an empty smile. 

She played with the cores; pretended they were braces. 
“Look, I have braces” she held it with both hands smiling with the core flat across her top front teeth.

Smiling back, I wondered if she wanted braces because it was a sign that her mother had money to afford them, if she could afford braces she’d be eating too.

I heard the bell ring in the distance, wind still blowing I wished I knew where she lived so I could driver her and her brother home. 

“I like your coat. Is it new?”

“It’s leather, we got it at..the thrift store. At a department store it would have been fifty dollars and we got it for twenty.” She went along saying “I got a purse with lots of pockets if we bought that in a store it would have been twenty dollars but we got it for half off for ten.”  Glancing out of the window, snow flew past horizontal.

“Then great thing about leather is it is a great wind breaker.”

 She nodded hard.

The large buttons on the coat reminded me of my own leather coat I have and NEVER wear.  Knowing when she will get out of the car she won’t bother to button it up.

“Let’s play the touch game.” Grabbing the blanket and Maddy tries to touch her as she shields herself with it. Squealing.  I let them play as annoying squealing in the car is, I sit watching the snow whiz by.

“Oh, there is my brother” struggling to untangle the blanket wrapped underneath her shoes, Josephine adjusted the book bag strap and tugging on the door, “bye!” Setting out and slamming the door with help of the wind she pushed herself against the wind with her coat flapping wildly.  She never bothered to stop to button the nuisance large buttons. She endures the cold wind as she walks against it.

Turning around allowing the wind to push her back as she leans into it, her arms out flapping, laughing.  I hope she eats tonight, I thought.

Process of elimination

I had to make a decision on one of my classes.  I wasn't doing well and with the other classes I am grasping them. I thought that to keep myself in tuned with the positive aspect of school I need to eliminate what is bringing me down.  So, today math is no longer a part of my weekly routine. I do have a bit of guilt because at the same time I didnt give it my all, I threw in the towel.  The weight of feeling of failing can take a toll on me.  I hope I can get over it soon enough to get on with the rest of the semester. Math has never been my strong subject. I have guess will always struggle with math except for the basics.  I think with Algebra I just cant grasp it with every day living.  Is that why it is so hard, because I can not relate it to every day living activities?
I withdrew my math pre algebra class, not with my tail between my legs but with my head held high knowing that I now can focus on my other courses.  Its funny because I thought I was going to withdraw my social working class.  Not that is the class I truly am enjoying.  Goes to show that taking steps can help make up your mine on what is best for lifes decisions.
Math will always be there.  I will take them toward the end that way I will be able to just focus on that.

Article in March Instyle

Just what I needed! Will read and review here later.

Not my goal

I do not want to look like this. ever.

Instyling Anew

I seriously need to make an attempt of bettering my wardrobe. I am looking through Instyle wearing a black Zoo York sweatshirt, grey chopped yoga pants white socks, and Crocs...yes I said it own a pair of Crocs.
With that said looking through the Instyle magazine, I want to research what is in style that I myself would wear.  Luckily, it is the March issue I am flipping through. Hopefully, I will get some ideas that will induce the need to rid of my current wardrobe.  I have started somewhat of a trend for myself. I have purchased some scarves now I have to find the ensemble to go with them.  I have gained 20 lbs so wearing nonelastic pants is now uncomfortable for me.  I actually have try a size 14-16 just feel comfortable just to sit down. 
The magazine isn't much help. Considering the models are all a size 0, I have to consider what works for my "apple" structure.

Just last night I was viewing customers of Michael Kors  opening and reviewing their new bags on Youtube.  Note, these bags cost half I pay for my rent. I thought if I'd I bought one of these one: what in the world would put in it, two: my wardrobe I currently have would be the reason the bag would not see the light of day. So I have to start with my wardrobe and slowly weedout the clothes I have had since maybe 10 years now.
So Instyle, do your thing! Help a women in fashion need!

Patience

I have two part to do and online math homework and I have no motivation to do any of it.  I don't know if it is part of my depression or just not sure of what my major is that is killing my learning motivation.  Last semester I gave a hoot about failing, now I am failing my math and I could care less.
I'm wondering there is something deeper, something that has haunted me all my life bases on my learning abilities.  I already know I don't get things right away I literally have to do them over and over again. This may be the cause of my frustration.  I see others get the class assignments fast but I always still have questions. I hate that.  I wish I could be in the norm.
I do however think that at my age I understand my learning abilities more than I did when I was Freshman in college years ago.  So I mostly tell myself that I have to be patient with how long I will get something in a class.
I will get through this.