Going, going, gone...in thoughts that is

My eyes have been shut for so long.  I noticed this today.  I went to the shops downtown today and noticed a different kind of people from where I live in town.  I've always thought that everyone dressed the same.  Though it was Saturday and people aren't doing what they would have done on a week day.  What I saw were people getting together with family or friends, gathering.  I felt a sense of hope that there is life out there other than what I am surrounded with.  I can't place my finger on it and I think my daughter sensed it too.  She wanted to experience the outing again.  What was it that made me feel more alive in the presents of all those strangers? The movement? The sight that people actually do get together? I have had that same feeling before when I was there.  In fact, the last time I was there was this time of year.   Why do I feel the need to go downtown this time of year.  All I do is look in the shops. I have the need to be around other people, all year I am at home in the same area of town and don't explore anymore.
I also like to go to the shops in Old Colorado Springs.   I don't want to go there because it reminds me of someone I met and she moved.  I miss her. So I try to avoid the feeling for her by avoiding the whole area. But I love going there.  In fact I've wanted to live there.   One of my friends was looking for a place to live after her separation and we found a house for rent in that area. We went to see it but it wasnt for our liking.  She wanted me to move in with her, as a room mate until she could get her feet on the ground. I dont know why I didnt take the offer then.  Then again, I could see it now she would find someone and get married and leave me with a whole rent payment.  I see now why I didnt go through with that movement.  I have been known to sacrifice my self for others just to be abandoned or trampled on later.
This is a random entry isnt it?  Ok, well I have written all of my thoughts for now...till next time.